ACL Recovery Week 3: I can compete with others... just not myself.

Yesterday was my birthday. I turned 30. I felt 30. I can't stop tossing and turning. I think it's because my leg is still progressing at a slower pace, but my mind is ready to get up and go! Things have been getting easier each day. The pain is less and less. My quad is working and allowing me to pull my leg up, but it's still very weak. I am able to walk without crutches just very very slowly. I'm pretty sure I'm going to get a bedazzled walker from one of my friends for my birthday. I can shower without a garbage bag wrapped around my leg or plastic wrap with medical tape. I am able to get in and out of the car, the shower, and bed better each and every day.

Get a Book... This is boring (like Mindy Kaling's)

In PT, they made me start using the bike. It's much easier to go backwards, but yesterday I ended up going forward as well. My knee feels like it got stung by a giant bee. It is so swollen, but apparently, the more I work it out the less stiff it becomes (dirty jokes are totally appropriate). So... for PT they have me doing the following:

1. Stationary bike (rocking back and forth and then all the way around).
2. Inner leg lifts (working out those inner thighs)
3. Straight leg lifts
4. Mini Squats
5. Tiny Steps (like 2 inch stairs)
6. Total Gym (more mini squats but sliding up and down)
7. Using a ball to roll my knees toward me

Does this brace make me look bionic?

I don't mind most of this. My worst pain is when the PT has me sit on the edge of the table, and she bends my knee back and forth. I am only at 107 degrees at this moment. My kneecap feels like it might pop off when they bend it. Good news about all this is that I'm not in pain except that moment and sometimes late at night. My biggest concern right now is that I cannot sleep. I get half the sleep I want. I am tossing and turning because I can't get comfortable. I keep tightening my knee at night. I think maybe I'm trying to stretch or escape this bionic leg. Luckily, I think I get out of it next Monday. I got measured for my functional brace last week. I should be able to use it working out and during my day to day activities. While getting measured the brace guy told me that I still had good muscle definition and hadn't lost much muscle at all. He also said my surgeon is an ACL reconstructing rock star. I'm pretty pumped about that.

I've been continuing my weights at the YMCA. The last time I went to work out one of the trainers shouted that I had dedication and no one else had any excuses. I've also had people come up to me to tell me that they are proud I'm still working out. Others have told me that they have gone through the same thing. One of those people was wearing a triathlete shirt. I feel inspired by these people and proud of myself for not giving up. I still get emotional because I miss dance. I hate not being able to walk. I also hate not being able to celebrate my birthday, and this leads me to cry from time to time ...then I suck it up and move on.

My advice for this week is to keep moving like a turtle because that's who wins the race. Your best bet for improvement is to think of what you have waiting for you in the future. For me? I'm going to have the best wedding day ever. I submitted my room block for my Disney wedding, and we are awaiting the contract. I started a teatox to lose some weight before I go try on wedding dresses in a healthy way (it's not one of those weird drink 60 gallons of this random concoction type of detoxes). It's really just green tea.  Today I'm keeping track of my food on my fitness pal again. I'm going to go to the Y and do my work out. I'm going to stop eating so much chocolate and banana pudding. I'm going to drink more water. I'm going to try lower carb and paleo if I can convince my fiance to make that for dinner. I went back to Court for the first time since surgery (and although I slept the second half of the day) it felt good to be back to my old life.  Lastly, I'm going to, hopefully, sign up for the St. Jude's Half Marathon in December. Fingers crossed!!!

Tips for this week:

1. Don't get too discouraged. You always feel like you aren't moving forward just before you do.
2. Cry from time to time. Get out the hopelessness. It's weighing you down.
3. Go to the spa. I got my hair cut, and I feel tons better. Next stop is a pedicure and a massage.
4. Put realistic goals into place for the future. Mine are my wedding, fitting into my wedding dress, a half marathon in December, and getting back into doing some actual cardio.
5. Go see your friends. Your true friends will work with your weird leg issues. Don't dread going to see them because they are more about seeing you than the inconvenience of having to accommodate you.
6. Celebrate the little things. I celebrated when I went around backwards on the bike. I celebrated when I went forwards on the bike. I celebrated when I walked to the bathroom without my crutch. I celebrated getting fitted for my new brace. These little celebrations kept me going.
7. Keep your sense of humor. Notice my tank above? I mean c'mon... how cute is that? haha!
8.Learn to compete with yourself.  I love competitions with other people. If I try to compete with myself, I give in too easily. At PT, I need to learn that competing with myself is the key to improvement. I seem content with only getting 100 degrees when bending my knee, but I shouldn't. I should think of myself as a friend who's getting better bend than I am and push harder no matter how bad it sucks.