ACL Recovery Week 3: I can compete with others... just not myself.

Yesterday was my birthday. I turned 30. I felt 30. I can't stop tossing and turning. I think it's because my leg is still progressing at a slower pace, but my mind is ready to get up and go! Things have been getting easier each day. The pain is less and less. My quad is working and allowing me to pull my leg up, but it's still very weak. I am able to walk without crutches just very very slowly. I'm pretty sure I'm going to get a bedazzled walker from one of my friends for my birthday. I can shower without a garbage bag wrapped around my leg or plastic wrap with medical tape. I am able to get in and out of the car, the shower, and bed better each and every day.

Get a Book... This is boring (like Mindy Kaling's)

In PT, they made me start using the bike. It's much easier to go backwards, but yesterday I ended up going forward as well. My knee feels like it got stung by a giant bee. It is so swollen, but apparently, the more I work it out the less stiff it becomes (dirty jokes are totally appropriate). So... for PT they have me doing the following:

1. Stationary bike (rocking back and forth and then all the way around).
2. Inner leg lifts (working out those inner thighs)
3. Straight leg lifts
4. Mini Squats
5. Tiny Steps (like 2 inch stairs)
6. Total Gym (more mini squats but sliding up and down)
7. Using a ball to roll my knees toward me

Does this brace make me look bionic?

I don't mind most of this. My worst pain is when the PT has me sit on the edge of the table, and she bends my knee back and forth. I am only at 107 degrees at this moment. My kneecap feels like it might pop off when they bend it. Good news about all this is that I'm not in pain except that moment and sometimes late at night. My biggest concern right now is that I cannot sleep. I get half the sleep I want. I am tossing and turning because I can't get comfortable. I keep tightening my knee at night. I think maybe I'm trying to stretch or escape this bionic leg. Luckily, I think I get out of it next Monday. I got measured for my functional brace last week. I should be able to use it working out and during my day to day activities. While getting measured the brace guy told me that I still had good muscle definition and hadn't lost much muscle at all. He also said my surgeon is an ACL reconstructing rock star. I'm pretty pumped about that.

I've been continuing my weights at the YMCA. The last time I went to work out one of the trainers shouted that I had dedication and no one else had any excuses. I've also had people come up to me to tell me that they are proud I'm still working out. Others have told me that they have gone through the same thing. One of those people was wearing a triathlete shirt. I feel inspired by these people and proud of myself for not giving up. I still get emotional because I miss dance. I hate not being able to walk. I also hate not being able to celebrate my birthday, and this leads me to cry from time to time ...then I suck it up and move on.

My advice for this week is to keep moving like a turtle because that's who wins the race. Your best bet for improvement is to think of what you have waiting for you in the future. For me? I'm going to have the best wedding day ever. I submitted my room block for my Disney wedding, and we are awaiting the contract. I started a teatox to lose some weight before I go try on wedding dresses in a healthy way (it's not one of those weird drink 60 gallons of this random concoction type of detoxes). It's really just green tea.  Today I'm keeping track of my food on my fitness pal again. I'm going to go to the Y and do my work out. I'm going to stop eating so much chocolate and banana pudding. I'm going to drink more water. I'm going to try lower carb and paleo if I can convince my fiance to make that for dinner. I went back to Court for the first time since surgery (and although I slept the second half of the day) it felt good to be back to my old life.  Lastly, I'm going to, hopefully, sign up for the St. Jude's Half Marathon in December. Fingers crossed!!!

Tips for this week:

1. Don't get too discouraged. You always feel like you aren't moving forward just before you do.
2. Cry from time to time. Get out the hopelessness. It's weighing you down.
3. Go to the spa. I got my hair cut, and I feel tons better. Next stop is a pedicure and a massage.
4. Put realistic goals into place for the future. Mine are my wedding, fitting into my wedding dress, a half marathon in December, and getting back into doing some actual cardio.
5. Go see your friends. Your true friends will work with your weird leg issues. Don't dread going to see them because they are more about seeing you than the inconvenience of having to accommodate you.
6. Celebrate the little things. I celebrated when I went around backwards on the bike. I celebrated when I went forwards on the bike. I celebrated when I walked to the bathroom without my crutch. I celebrated getting fitted for my new brace. These little celebrations kept me going.
7. Keep your sense of humor. Notice my tank above? I mean c'mon... how cute is that? haha!
8.Learn to compete with yourself.  I love competitions with other people. If I try to compete with myself, I give in too easily. At PT, I need to learn that competing with myself is the key to improvement. I seem content with only getting 100 degrees when bending my knee, but I shouldn't. I should think of myself as a friend who's getting better bend than I am and push harder no matter how bad it sucks.

Part Deux of Week 2: Lifting My Spirits By Lifting My Own Leg

There's no place like home
(by home I mean the dance floor)!

The second half of week 2 really showed how fast my body is healing. I know it sounds crazy, but going to Physical Therapy really brightens my mood. At home, I get mopey when I see all my friends at Dance Trance posting pictures and videos, and I feel like I'm never going to be droppin' it low again. I know it's not true. At the latest, I should be back by zombie dancing time (which is my favorite time of the year), but it still feels so far away. Then, I go to PT and the ladies are so excited about my progress, I get motivated to push harder. PT really gives you hope even if it hurts in the meantime. I'll explain more below. 

MONDAY- Post Op Visit

On Monday, I had my follow up with my surgeon. He seemed very excited about my progress. There isn't much swelling anymore. He said the incision looked good. He asked if I could do my single leg raises yet without any help. I felt bad because I just couldn't. For someone who was able to do 100 if not more at a time before surgery, I couldn't understand why I couldn't just lift my leg 6 inches. He explained that after these surgeries your quad muscle shuts down. He then explained it takes a little while for it to turn back on, but people who were super active, like me, would get it working in no time. He further explained that's why it takes so long for athletes to get back in the game. 

When he said that, it's like a light bulb came on, and instead of feeling defeated and angry my quad was this little mean girl betraying me. I realized I just needed to fix that problem, and I'd get back on the dance floor. I started doing single leg raises on my other leg to reteach my quad. This may sound silly, but I don't care. I figured if I could do it on one side and pay special attention to what muscles were working, I might be able to fire them up in the other leg. He gave me the key to getting back on the dance floor and back running... I'm going to do everything I can to unlock that problem. 

It's like a little cross :) 

My surgeon also informed me I could start showering without my brace as long as I sat in my old lady chair. I was very excited about that!! He also said as soon as I feel stable enough, I can ditch those awful crutches. Even better, he said I didn't have to sleep with my knee propped up to the ceiling anymore while I slept.  Then, he set me up an appointment to get a functional brace. I go this Friday to get that. I'll be switching to the functional brace in two weeks. Yay! No more bionic woman! 

After the surgeon left, the PA came in and removed my staples. It hurt, but wasn't as excruciating as I thought it would be. He attempted to distract me by asking me a bunch of questions and making fun of me for having the same shoes as his 8 year old daughter. After I finished up with that, I went to my next stop, PT, while my fiance went to Target to get my refill on my pain meds and some groceries. 

At PT, I got to do a lot more than I normally do! We still did everything from before but we added the bike (only halfway around) & mini squats. While doing my single leg raises my quad suddenly responded. I actually could lift my leg on my own. I was shocked and surprised. I got high fives from both of my PT ladies even though one of them was working with someone else. I got tons of cheers. It was the best feeling. Then, when Jon came to pick me up, he said he didn't believe that I did it... so I did it again just to show him! After I finished up, my PT told me that I'd probably be pretty sore because we did A LOT and had a lot of progress. 

TUESDAY

 Tuesday was hard. I was super sore. I couldn't do one single leg raise at home.. so I gave myself a break for a day and went to the gym instead to work out my arms. I was very tired because I couldn't get comfortable while I slept, so the gym was a bit of a challenge. At this point, though, I like a good challenge. It's just one more thing to overcome, right? At the gym I did the following:

Torso Rotation 30 lbs 2 sets of 25 each side
Row Machine 50 lbs 4 sets of 25
Abdominal Machine 50 lbs 4 sets of 25
Overhead Press 30 lbs 4 sets of 25
Chest Press 5 sets of 20
Arm Extension 30 lbs 5 sets of 20

While I was working out, a lady came by and asked me what I did to my leg. She then told me she was proud of me for getting back to the gym and working out even though I was injured. It was a great pep talk. It's really awesome how people are so encouraging! 

WEDNESDAY

I can drive again! YAY! I got back in the driver's seat Wednesday and started taking control of my life again. I went to the coffee shop, allergist, to lunch with my cousin, and finally, to PT all on my own. I didn't get much work done, but I felt like a champion at my personal life. At PT, I did my single leg raises on my own again! I did my side leg raises with a little weight. Then, they had me turn over and put my bad leg on the bottom and my good leg on a chair. Then, I had to lift my leg with my inner thigh. My PT got busy with another patient, so I did 10 more than she asked me to do. Why? Because I could. Things are looking good! 

Here's some ACL tips for y'all for this post:

1. Don't get frustrated with your leg if it isn't working. It will get there eventually. Keep pushing! 

2. Make sure you have a purse or little fanny pack of some kind that you can use while on crutches to move things from point A to point B. You may get laughed at for having your Starbucks tucked in your purse, but they appreciate your genius approach to it all. 

3. Celebrate the little things. Those little things eventually lead to the big hurdles. 

4. Booths at restaurants are optimal for sitting while you're out because you can sit with your leg straight and elevated. 

5. Drink lots of water. 

Part 1 of Week 2: Getting Restless Leg Syndrome While Awake...

THURSDAY (Day 8)

I awoke Thursday feeling great. I wasn't in pain constantly. I barely needed my pain meds. I finally had an appetite, but walking with the crutches made it a tad bit difficult. Luckily for me, I'm creative. I realized that Fage greek yogurt fits perfectly onto my crutches! I can walk around with it attached and not risk dropping it or falling down. At lunch, I made myself a sandwich and put it in a sandwich bag to carry around! Things got easier much faster. With all that being said, I must warn everyone that I still needed my pain meds Thursday to sleep. DO NOT try to sleep all night with your leg propped up without your pain meds nearby. I ended up having to get up at 2:00 a.m. to go get my pain meds to make it stop hurting because the nerves on the side of my knee that how lost their feeling were coming back and firing away like they were little sonic blasters going after Luke Skywalker (I've been watching a lot of Star Wars with my fiance because I barely remember it from my childhood, and I want him to have some Star Wars references with my Disney references in our Wedding. I want to like them too without totally faking it. I sooo forgot how cute R2D2 really is.)

FRIDAY (Day 9)

Friday, my mom came down and, for the first time since surgery, I wanted to leave my house. We went to my favorite coffee shop in town, Red Cat, and had lattes. It was my first coffee since surgery too. Oh SWEET GOODNESS (this was because hot beverages are NOT conducive to walking with crutches). After coffee, we went to PT. It was a good session. I got my knee past 90 degrees. I practically forced it, but I really wanted to get there so I worked hard on it. She had me start using my other leg to move my dead leg. I don't know what I didn't think about that!!! She made me get up and stand up and start switching my weight from one side to the other. After I got steady, she had me start hamstring curls which is where she told me to do the hardest thing since starting PT: Don't point your toes. It may sound like a simple request, but I point my toes naturally. I started ballet at age 2. You don't just stop pointing your toes. I have to make the very conscious decision to flex. It's awful. It feels so wrong. I feel like, at any moment, a ballet teacher is going to come by and smack me on my bottom!!!

After PT my mom and I met Lauren and April for lunch at Mug Shots. We had a good lunch and it was good seeing the girls after a long week of talking to my dogs all day. We had long fun lunch, but my appetite still isn't back (which is good because I have to fit in a wedding dress!!!). My leg started hurting halfway through lunch, and I had to take pain meds. I actually ran out, so I called my doctor. I didn't hear back though, so I had to use the other pain meds from before surgery (everyone was out of the office because it's Spring Break). I don't normally take pain meds because they make me hot and itchy (and b-itchy) so I wasn't sure whether I could actually take hydrocodone the same day as taking oxycodone. Haha, I had to send a message to one of my friends who is a pharmacist. I felt like such an idiot. He was sweet though. He said it was less effective and boy was it. I could still feel those nerves firing away after one pill.

Friday night, I was still feeling good and April called to invite us to dinner at a pizza place in town. I had been craving pizza, so we decided to go. About an hour in, my leg started hurting like crazy, but I was stir crazy at home so I dealt with it just to see some of my favorite people. We headed home around eight so I could get some sleep, rest my leg, and ice my leg.

SATURDAY (Day 10)

Saturday we woke up bright and early, and I did my PT exercises. I drank coffee, and had some yogurt. Then, we headed to the Y where I did arm and ab exercises on the weight machines! My fiance surprised me with my new fitbit which monitors my heart rate so I could finally get back to competing with people (or at least myself at this point!!).  I did the following weight machines, weight, and reps:

Torso Rotation 30 lbs 2 sets of 25 each side
Row Machine 50 lbs 4 sets of 25
Abdominal Machine 50 lbs 2 sets of 50
Overhead Press 30 lbs 4 sets of 25
Chest Press 5 sets of 20
Arm Extension 30 lbs 4 sets of 25

It felt good to use my body again. I want to increase the weight and do this at least 3 to 5 times a week while I'm recovering. I hope that this keeps me on track to have the perfect bouquet arms on my wedding day!

Saturday night we had dinner with Jon's mom and dad. It was good to be out of the house, and Jon's mom made steaks. Yum! We had a great time. We discussed our plans for the wedding since it doesn't feel so far away now that we have our date. I think his parents are getting excited too. It was feeling too far to get excited about, but now I can finally start telling people that in less than a year I'll be getting married to my lobster in Disney World!! Squee!! It's good to have something to look forward to while your leg is throbbing like crazy.

So, here are my tips and lessons from the first part of week 2:

1. Keep your pain meds nearby. You may think you're done with them, but you don't want to need them and then have to hobble in pain to get them.
2. Start exercising. Your body is going to get restless from all this sitting. Confuse it by getting your arms and abs to work a little extra.
3. Find a project to do. Once again, you want to take your mind off your leg.
4. Your leg is going to feel like it wants to run off without you. It's a weird feeling. It a dull ache with a mixture of longing (that's how I would describe it). Your leg is sick of sitting.
5. Get out of the house. It feels so much better than staying home and pouting.

Day 3 through Day 7 of ACL Recovery: Slow progress is better than NO progress!

Day 3- Day 7

Day 2 was by far the worst day. I am going to be completely truthful here. While my surgeon explained how bad surgery would be, I totally didn't listen. I knew I would freak myself out, and since I had to get the surgery no matter what, I knew there was NO WAY I wanted to know the deep dark deets of it all. Apparently ACL surgery is quite painful. Who knew? Day 2 was probably one of the most miserable days of my life. Luckily, my law partners, grandfather, and my friend Melissa helped with some moral support. (Loving the mermaid ice cream, Mel!!)

Day 3, however, was the start of something new. I began my physical therapy, and to actually start improving and moving forward was exactly what I needed. Don't get me wrong, physical therapy has been no pic nic. I have been  shocked at the lack of cooperation from my once strong killer legs. I used to have these tree trunk muscular legs (which I hated because you can't squeeze muscle into a smaller pair of skinny jeans) but my muscle is quickly disappearing. I feel like Ariel when she just got legs! I have no control over my leg when I try to lift it. The physical therapy was just so strange. They had be doing quad squeezes where I would squeeze my legs down and push into a towel behind my knee, front leg lifts where I would flex my foot, straighten my leg, and lift using my quads, foot slides where I would slide my foot on a wooden board to bend my knee, and calf stretches.

The weekend after my surgery is a bit of a blur. I know I was on a lot of pain medication, and I slept a lot. I had lots of visitors Saturday and Sunday. My friend Steph came by with some bath goodies for when I get finally get a good long relaxing bath again. On Sunday, a dear friend from dance and fellow Dance Trance instructor, Jennifer, who brought me lots of yummy food (some of which my dogs stole off the counter... thanks B's)! Then, one of my law partners stopped by, and brought me disney coloring books. That made me feel great. I LOVED making outfits for Ariel and Belle. I think it distracted me from my pain.

Monday was my first day on my own until I went to physical therapy. I hung out with the dogs, and worked from home. At PT,  I pretty much repeated what I did Friday but added side leg lifts which I

surprisingly rocked. My mom came down to take me, so it felt pretty good to have my momma. We went to get frozen yogurt afterwords because I FINALLY started getting my appetite back. Some little girl asked us to sit near her and her grandmother. She came up and gave me a big hug when she was leaving. I guess she could tell how miserable I was. Tuesday, I didn't work much. I ended up super nauseated all day. I tried not to take my pain meds because I thought they were making me sick which I think made things way worse.

On Wednesday (7 days post surgery!!!! WOOT!) I felt great. I worked most of the morning because I wasn't as groggy. My future Mother-in-Law took me to PT where my fiance picked me up. At PT, I felt much stronger. I did the same movements as Monday with more reps. I can feel my leg getting stronger and stronger. I returned to a very sweet surprise from the fantastic four owners Dance Trance. They provided us some dinner from Tre Luna (DELISH) and some banana pudding.
Oh, also on Wednesday, I officially got my wedding date for Disney. April 1, 2016!!!!! Squee!!!

This has been super hard, because I've always been so strong  (especially my legs.) I am very independent and DO NOT like depending on people. However, that being said, I truly appreciate everyone who has been sending well wishes, gifts, food, and taking care of me. I was terrified to be stranded at home without being able to run, DANCE, and actually be me.... but my friends and family are really looking out for me. I've cried a lot, but I'm seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. I cannot wait for October when I can do everything I love to the fullest again. I keep that as my motivation.

My tips for anyone going through this are the following:

1. Go into this knowing it's going to hurt like the dickens BUT if you can get through the first two days, you're golden. 
2. Your leg will feel foreign no matter how fit you once were. 
3. Allow people to help you. They love you, and if you would do the same for them, then you're obviously not a burden. Stop thinking you're a burden.
4. DO NOT WATCH SAD MOVIES... they will only bring you down. (Steel Magnolias is NOT optimal for helping your mood if you're blue.)
5. Cry, but then look up inspirational quotes to feel better. 
6. Have a good humor about it. Things could be worse. You want to be able to laugh at your hairy legs, how you hobble, and how you're super slow these days. 
7. Never try to get in a car on a steep driveway. It's too difficult. 
8. Do your physical therapy, and if you can do a few extra reps... try it. If it doesn't hurt to make yourself stronger, go for it. 
9. Ice & Elevate. You'll begin to hate this.
10. Don't try to be a hero. Take the pain meds. If you don't, you'll be miserable. (Then it'll be way too late to get them to kick in before you're acting like the hulk.) They might make you feel nauseated, but if you eat banana pudding, it'll go away!!!